Have you ever walked into a room and felt invisible?
Do you find yourself avoiding social gatherings because you fear you don’t know what to say?
Or perhaps, you've wondered how some people seem to effortlessly captivate everyone around them. What is their secret?
Well the answer lies in their social confidence
And, the good news is that social confidence and charisma are not innate traits reserved for a select few. They are skills that can be developed and honed over time.
Confidence Isn't Magic, It's an Art That’s Needed to be Learned.
We often think celebrities are born with confidence. But, that’s not exactly the case!
Take Shah Rukh Khan for example. He's known for his down-to-earth personality, effortless communication, and warm persona. But on several occasions he has admitted to being shy, introverted and even feeling nervous before big launches. But he hasn’t let those things stop him from moving ahead in life.
Several studies on confidence have shown that it can be developed with the right approach. Research by Amy Cuddy, a Harvard social psychologist, shows that if you use confident body language (think open posture, strong handshake) it can actually boost your confidence. In one study, participants who held a power pose (think Wonder Woman) for just two minutes showed a significant increase in testosterone (the dominance hormone) and a decrease in cortisol (the stress hormone). They also self-reported feeling more powerful.
So, now the question is how can you cultivate this confidence in your life?
Here are my 3 Pillars of Confidence with prominent examples:
➡️ Connection
✔️ Think like Palki Sharma Upadhyay: She's a master connector. Watch how she makes eye contact, listens intently, and asks questions while speaking. She makes people feel valued and heard.
In fact, you don’t have to be like her to master connection. Simply start mirroring the opposite person. Studies by Matthew Lieberman, a UCLA neuroscientist, show that synchrony (mirroring someone's body language or speech patterns) can create a sense of connection and trust. So next time you're talking to someone, try subtly mirroring their body language and see if the conversation flows more easily.
➡️ Self Perception
✔️ Priyanka Chopra is another charisma powerhouse. Her confidence stems from a strong sense of self-worth. Here are some things she practices regularly as a part of her routine. She practices positive self-talk with the help of affirmations and visualisation. Instead of dwelling on her flaws, she focuses on her strengths. And lastly, celebrating her accomplishments, big or small is a big part of her routine as well.
➡️ Adaptability
✔️ Blend Effortlessly like a Chameleon: What Chameleon does is simply social adaptability! Great conversationalists use the same and adjust their communication style accordingly for different situations and people. Look at the picture below. This is Pascal, from the animated movie Tangled. He was a great help to Rapunzel throughout the movie and don’t we all love him? That is exactly what you need to do. Be like Pascal.
Coming to the science behind it. The concept was studied by a communication researcher, at the University of California, Santa Barbara, and published in the journal Language in Society in 1973. This states that people who accommodate their communication style to the person they're talking to (e.g., using slang with teenagers, more formal language with colleagues) are perceived as more likeable and friendly.
It happens because accommodation shows that you're paying attention to the other person and interested in connecting with them on their level.
These are my top 3 ways of building confidence, but wait a second! We are not done yet.
For those who read so far, here is your bonus tip.
✨ Practice Till You Perfect It
Sometimes, acting confident can actually make you feel more confident. The best example that comes to my mind is of our Indian classical dancers, who dedicated years just to master their formations, mudras, and coordination.
But, does it mean that they are not scared of messing it on stage?
No 🙅♀️
That's why, most of the dancers in their initial years have confessed to acting confident until the time they felt it from within.
Building confidence takes practice. Therefore, I would suggest never to start with the mindset that it will come as a quick fix.
Start small, like making eye contact and smiling at people you meet. Gradually challenge yourself to step outside your comfort zone. If you keep on doing these, gradually but surely you'll be well on your way to becoming the most confident version of yourself!
Now, the question stands - Will you be doing these?
Let me know.
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