Are You Insecure?

Let me start by asking you a question.

Do you relate to any of the statements below:

✔️ It is the constant voice in my head making me feel like I am not good enough.

✔️ It is a fear of judgement.

✔️ It is cold feet before any important moment.

✔️It is when I compare myself with others and feel smaller

If your answer was “yes”, I have something to tell you.

➡️ Insecurity is super common

➡️ And we all experience insecurities. Even well-known people we like and admire have been through their fair share of insecure days.

That's why through this newsletter, I want to help you understand why you feel this way and what you can do to bring your more confident version to light. 📃

So, make sure to read it till the end.

With that being said, let's first find out the root of the issue:

Why Do We Feel Insecure?

Most of the time, insecurity comes from things that happened to us when we were younger. A 2020 study published in Pub Med found that children who received constant criticism from parents are more likely to experience and develop low self-esteem and insecurity as teenagers.

I’ve personally experienced this having grown up in a super strict household and I’ve seen it in my friends who had similar families.

But, it need not be just criticism, there are many other factors too. Maybe you didn't get the praise you needed, or you were around people who made you feel bad about yourself. These experiences can easily make a person doubt themselves.

But one thing is certain:

No one is born insecure!

It is how your brain observes and conditions you based on certain situations that you learn to feel that way. 🧠

And since it is a developed condition, the good news is that it is reversible as well.

The process may take some time depending on your complexities and conditions, but you can learn to feel secure!

Here are 4 ways I used to reverse my case from being insecure Adete to a confident Adete:

➡️ Learn To Focus On Your Strengths: Imagine two athletes on the same team. One athlete constantly focuses on her mistakes and compares herself to others. The other athlete celebrates her successes and acknowledges her strengths. Who do you think will perform better in the next game? Obviously, the second one. 🏅

A study published under the principle of social psychology showed that people who value themselves and write down their strengths daily for a week felt more confident and secure in their abilities. So, bring out that pen and paper and write down your strengths - and do it daily for a few weeks.

➡️ Take Care of Yourself: This means prioritising your mental and physical health and not ignoring your own needs. Exercise, eat clean, put effort into your appearance, and when you need a break, take one! A few days back I was reading a column that said, people who practiced self-compassion (being kind to themselves) were better at handling stress and setbacks.

Let's understand this with an example.

Suppose you're studying for a big test and feeling overwhelmed. Instead of beating yourself up, take a deep breath, grab a healthy snack, take a walk outside, and come back to your studies when you feel refreshed. See the difference it makes.

➡️ Listen to Your Inner Voice: Sometimes those voices in your mind can be nasty. It can tell you mean things, but remember it's just trying to protect you. It's a defense mechanism built by your brain to save you from outside judgments.

Psychologists call this your "inner critic."

Now, let's reverse it. Instead of listening to the negative thoughts, try to understand where it's coming from. Acknowledging your inner critic and giving it a name can help you distance yourself from its negativity.

For example, your inner critic might say, "You'll never be good enough to try out for that play." Immediately, try saying to yourself, "Hey, inner critic, I hear you're worried about me failing. But I'm going to give it a shot anyway!"

➡️ Accept Yourself: This might be the hardest part, but it's important. Be kind to yourself, even when you mess up.

People who practice self-acceptance become more resilient and bounce back from challenges faster. The best way to explain this is going back to childhood days when you were learning to walk.

Did you stop trying when you fell?

No. Right? You dusted yourself and tried again. You accepted that momentary fall to learn to walk.

If you can do it then, why not now? What's so hard now? Think about it.

Remember, feeling secure takes time. But the more you take action, the better you'll feel about yourself.

And if you ever need extra help, don't be afraid to talk to a trusted friend, family member, therapist, or even me.

Comment and let me know where are you currently struggling.