Ever looked in the mirror and thought,
Man, I wish I was a bit more outgoing, calm & confident?
Or what if I could be more creative?
Or perhaps more patient?
Or how about more assertive?
Then you’re not alone.
We’ve all felt that way at some point.
But here’s the big question:
Can we actually change our personality?
First things first
A big chunk of who we are comes from our DNA. It’s like getting personality traits handed down from your mom and dad. Some people are naturally chatty, while others are quiet. Some love to take risks, while others are more cautious. It’s kind of like having blue eyes or brown hair – you didn’t choose it, but it’s part of you.
You can think of personality like trying to figure out if a cake is more about the recipe (your genes) or the way it’s baked (your environment).
Truth is, both matter!
But Wait, There's More.
While your DNA definitely lays the groundwork for your personality, it’s not a one-way street.
You need to treat your personality as a garden. Your genes may be the seeds, but how that garden grows depends on the care it gets.
That’s where you come in.
Nurturing Your Personality Garden
Research says that we can actually change parts of our personality. It’s like planting new flowers in your garden. With the right tools and effort, you can bloom in amazing new ways.
So, are you ready to be the gardener of your personality?
If yes, then let’s dive in.
➡️ Mindfulness Matters: Paying attention to your thoughts and feelings can be a game-changer. This is where it all starts. You can only change your personality if you understand yourself better.
Now, Apps and meditation can help you start this journey but the method of visualization that I follow personally can 10x the speed, if done right. Think of it as giving your brain a spa day. In fact, if you are aiming to have a serious personality makeover, I recently made a video on how you can achieve your dream life. You can watch the video by clicking here.
➡️ Challenge Your Brain: Let me say it out loud. Your brain plays 95% role in changing your personality and for that to happen, you need to make your brain workout.
Confused, let me explain.
Expanding your skill set is like giving your personality a boost of energy. Suppose, you are learning to play an instrument, it will not only boost your creativity but also will provide you with a new found confidence.
Imagine how cool it would be to play your favorite song for friends on guitar. Now, for that to happen what is it that you need to do?
Pick that guitar and learn how to play it. Right?
However, picking up a musical instrument is not the only way that can help your brain grow stronger.
You can do so by playing puzzles, quizzes, sudoku or even by learning a new language.
The ultimate goal here is to make that brain work and feed it with new information.
➡️ Cue - Routine - Reward cycle: If I have to put it simply, when you aim for a small yet achievable goal, it triggers a cue, routine and reward cycle that ultimately helps make a shift in your personality.
When you function according to that cycle, every little victory becomes a step closer to your dream personality.
So, whatever area of your personality you are trying to change, give it a goal, plan out the steps and celebrate even the minor achievement.
➡️ Embrace Failure: In my last point, I talked about rewarding yourself and celebrating your wins. But, what if you mess up? What to do then?
Well, everyone messes up sometimes. And it’s okay to make mistakes!
We are all humans and we learn from our mistakes.
Just imagine, if Thomas Edison didn't embrace his failures and kept going, would we have gotten the light bulb that brighten our room 24x7.
When you learn from your mistakes, it helps you grow stronger. And that it is the exact strength you need to move forward.
➡️ Seek Feedback: Let me put this straight. The feedback you receive is that external help that you should be looking out for in your life.
Because no matter what you do, you won't be able to see that shift on your own. You will need external help to map out your progress.
For example: Remember that iconic scene from Kuch Kuch Hota Hai when Anjali made a fool of herself in front of Rahul and the entire college by showing up in that pink outfit.
Imagine instead of doing that directly, if she asked her warden first for the feedback on her outfit, would she be making that same mistake?
No, right?
That is what I am trying to say through this point. Have at least one person with you who gives you honest feedback from time to time. Believe me, it will change everything.
➡️ Unplug and Recharge: I have been addressing this point in all my content so won't stretch it. Take break where it is necessary.
Taking breaks from screens and social media can help you focus on your personal growth.
Give your brain that vacation. Sometimes, changes aren't visible until we hit that pause button.
One thing that you must remember here is that changing your personality is a marathon and not a sprint.
You have to be patient with yourself, celebrate small wins, and most importantly, have fun with it. Only then can you actually bring a positive shift in your personality.
Want to learn more on this topic?
I would highly suggest checking out the work of researchers like Brian Little and Martin Seligman. They have great insights to share on the topic.
Btw, do you have a specific personality trait you want to work on? Share with me by commenting below.
Let’s start planting those personality seeds today.
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