Here's Why You Are Not Getting What You Want

You don’t get what you deserve in life.

You get what you believe you deserve and what you’re willing to move toward.

I didn’t always understand this. In fact, for almost three decades of my life, I believed that if I just kept my head down and worked hard, good things would eventually find me. Like life was secretly keeping score, and one day it would all add up.

But here’s what I wish someone had told me back then; life doesn’t always work that way.

Because if you look deep down, and you don’t actually believe that you deserve more, your brain will automatically starts filtering everything to prove you right.

The opportunities, the kinds words, the chances to try, you don’t even notice them. Or worse, you notice and talk yourself out of them.

Not because you don’t want more. But because a part of you keeps saying, “That’s not really for me.”

So, what’s really going wrong?

Every day, your brain is scanning the world for signals. Clues, opportunities, warnings, and encouragement.

But it’s not scanning everything. It’s filtering.

You see, there’s something called the Reticular Activating System (RAS), which is the gatekeeper in your brain.

It lets in the information that matches what you already believe.

So if you believe you’re unlucky, or not ready, or not that special, your brain filters the world to prove you right.

❌ You scroll past the opportunity.

❌ You dismiss the compliment.

❌ You delay the decision.

Not because you’re lazy. But because your brain wants to keep you emotionally “safe,” even if it means staying small.

How do you rewire your brain to believe better?

Here’s what I’ve been practicing, these days:

➡️ Watch what your brain filters out

Sometimes, you miss obvious chances. So, instead of blaming yourself, pause and ask, “Why did I assume this wasn’t for me?”

For example, when I was invited to speak on a panel, my first thought was, “Oh, I’m not ready.” But then I stopped myself and realized that was just my old story talking. I said yes anyway.

Let me give you another example. Someone recently complimented my writing as “powerful.” My gut reaction was to instantly downplay it. Thankfully, I caught myself on time and simply said, “Thank you.”

So, keep watching how your brain filter out situations, because the more you notice these moments, the more you catch your RAS in action.

➡️ Speak your new story out loud

These days, I keep rewriting the identity I want to believe, in my journal.

Every morning, I start my day by saying this to myself, “I’m the kind of person who attracts aligned work. Who leads, who earns, who creates.”

At first, it really felt silly, but over time, it started to feel true. And if this is too much for you, another way to do this is to write it on sticky notes and paste it somewhere where you see it often.

➡️ Remind yourself that discomfort isn’t danger

Earlier, whenever something good happened, I used to think almost immediately, “This can’t be right. Something’s about to go wrong.”

And by thinking this, I would sabotage the entire experience. Now, when something feels too good, I take a deep breath and tell myself, “It’s okay to receive this. You’ve earned it.”

Another example that came to my mind while writing this point was when a client praised my work as “the best decision they have made.” Had it been earlier, I would have let the overthinking drown me, but now I didn’t deflect. I let myself feel proud.

So, let the same happen to you, too, because you deserve every fiber of it.

➡️ Feed your brain slow proof

Trust me, belief doesn’t change overnight, no matter who says it to you on the internet. It changes when you show your brain consistent evidence.

Every action, no matter how small, that aligns with the new identity, write it down.

Keep a note on your phone of “proof points” that help you grow into this person you are trying to become, and feed it all the proof you get your hands on. Even little things count, like raising your hand in a meeting or asking for clarity instead of staying silent.

What you would see is over time, your brain starts believing, “Oh, this is who we are now.” and that changes the entire game.

To sum it up,

If you’ve been waiting for the world to give you what you’ve earned, maybe the world is just waiting for you to believe you’re ready.

And it’s okay if you’re not fully there yet.

But I’d love to know, what’s one thing you’ve always wanted but deep down didn’t think you deserved? Comment below your thought.