The "Right One" Doesn't Exist

We’ve all grown up with this idea.

 

That somewhere out there, there’s this one person, the “right one” waiting for us.

✨The perfect match.

✨ The soulmate who’ll just… get us.

And so we keep waiting. Or swiping. Or walking away the moment things feel hard.

Because in the back of our minds, we’re thinking, if this were the right one, it wouldn’t feel this messy.

But after going through several episodes of building, breaking, and rebuilding my own long-term relationship, I’ve found out that the “right one” is a myth.

And I’m not saying this because love doesn’t exist, but because love isn’t something you find ready-made.

It’s something you have to make yourself.

Why I believe the “right one” is a myth

For years, I used to look at other couples and think, maybe they just found the right person and I didn’t.

But behind every strong couple I know, there’s a story you don’t see.

And even in my own relationship, I applied this lesson, realizing that no matter who you’re with, you will eventually bump into the parts of yourself you don’t like.

📌 The impatient part.

📌 The insecure part.

📌 The wounded part that wants to run the moment things get uncomfortable.

See, the issue is not that you picked the wrong person.

The issue is that you thought love was supposed to feel effortless if it was real.

And that belief? It is what kept you stuck up until now.

But, you need to understand that every person you meet brings their own flaws and fears to the table. And so do you.

Which makes the “right one” not the one who fits you perfectly, but the one who stays and works with you to figure out how to fit together.

And if you’re wondering why so many of us keep falling for the myth, look no further than the world we’re dating in today…

How the last two decades have distorted what love means

 

Let’s be honest, the past 20 years have been brutal for love and companionship.

We’ve gone from letters to likes. From dates that took weeks to plan, to swipes you can undo in a second. And somewhere along the way, we started treating people like products, which mean they are disposable, replaceable, swappable for the next best option.

We’ve glorified the idea of being “unbothered,” of cutting people off at the first red flag, of never letting anyone “waste our time.”

And in that rush to protect ourselves, we’ve forgotten that

✅ Real love does take time.

✅ It does require repair.

✅ It does involve seasons when one of you carries more of the weight.

Modern dating has taught us that there’s always something better around the corner.

But know this, better doesn’t exist if you keep quitting at the first crack.

Love in the last two decades has become more accessible and even more fragile than ever. Because we’ve lost our patience. And without patience, nothing lasts.

That said, let’s be clear about something.

'Working on a relationship doesn’t mean you settle for less than what you deserve. It also doesn’t mean that you forgive abuse or gaslight yourself into believing that you can fix something that clearly isn’t working. Some relationships cannot be salvaged. And that’s important to remember.'

So what actually seems to be working?

If you’re done chasing the myth of the perfect person, here’s what has actually worked for me, and for many others who’ve managed to make love last:

➡️ Learn to repair, not just endure

Fighting is inevitable. What matters is what you do after.

I’ve learned to never leave an apology unsaid or a misunderstanding unspoken.

The couples who last aren’t the ones who never argue, they’re the ones who always find their way back to each other.

➡️ Pay attention to how they show up in the small things

The grand gestures are nice. But real love lives in the everyday.

Who notices when you’re quiet? Who fills your water bottle before bed? Who shows up when no one’s watching?

That’s what sustains a relationship, not Instagram-worthy moments.

➡️ Let go of the idea of “winning” in love

I used to think that in every disagreement, someone had to win. But the truth is, if one of you wins, then both of you lose.

Now, I focus less on being right and more on being kind. And trust me, arguments stop feeling like battles when you stop keeping score.

➡️ Keep choosing each other; especially on the hard days

Some mornings, staying feels like the harder choice. But I remind myself that love is a decision you make over and over again.

The days you least feel like choosing? Those are the days it matters most.

➡️ Give each other space to grow

You don’t have to do everything together to be together. Let them have their hobbies. Take your own time to recharge.

This way, you’ll both come back to each other stronger and more whole.

➡️ Stop waiting for them to just “know”

No one can read your mind. Say what you need. Say what hurt. Say what you’d love more of.

It might feel awkward, yes. But unspoken needs turn into petty resentments. And resentments ruin love faster than any fight.

And lastly, know this

You don’t find the “right one.”

You build a relationship that feels right, slowly, imperfectly, but together.

It won’t look like the movies.

But it’ll be yours.

And that’s so much better.

What about you? What’s the lesson that you’ve learned about love?

I’d love to read your story. Just hit comment and tell me.