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Are These 7 Habits Holding You Back?

Writer's picture: Adete DahiyaAdete Dahiya

We all have that one friend, who never stood up for themselves. The silent sufferer. For the sake of this newsletter, let’s call her Anjali.

 

❌ Anjali happily gave away their toys and never complained when she couldn’t play with them.

 ❌ Anjali said yes to everyone and everything.

 ❌ Anjali’s mind screamed, yet she stretched herself thinner and thinner to accommodate everyone.


And, guess what? There are countless Anjali’s around us. It might be someone we know, or even us too sometimes.

 

But after doing this for years and years, Anjali finally stood up for herself and said "ENOUGH!"

 

And seeing this happen to people close to me got me thinking that sometimes, even the coolest people we know get stuck in a rut of habits that hold them back.

 

This is what led me to write this newsletter addressing 7 old habits and concepts that you need to outgrow out today.

 

➡️ One-Sided Relationships: Remember the story of Eklavya, the archer who practiced so hard that he almost surpassed Arjuna? But Dronacharya wouldn't teach him because he wasn't a prince. That's a one-sided relationship. All the efforts made were through Eklavya only.

 

Similarly in friendships or any kind of relationship, if you're giving all the effort and getting nothing back, it's time to move on! There are tons of amazing people out there who will appreciate your friendship and effort. Don't waste your energy on those who don't.


➡️ Bottled-Up Emotions: A study by the National Institute of Mental Health in America showed that bottling up your feelings can actually make you stressed.

 

Imagine a pressure cooker – if you keep stuffing it and don't let the steam out, it might explode! So, why can’t the same happen with us? Over stuffing can lead to major physical and psychological issues in long run. So, what’s the solution?

 

If someone's being unfair, speak up! Use your voice, just like Anjali did. Talk to a friend, family member, or even a teacher. Bottling things up won't make them disappear, but talking it out can help you feel better.


➡️ Self Shaming: This point might be the most controversial one out of all the others because this is something we all do, and talking about this might feel like a personal attack. Up until few years, even I was guilty of self-shaming!

 

I mean why not? It's easy to beat ourselves up, but remember, everyone makes mistakes!

 

Let’s understand this with an example. We all had 1 banyan tree in our school. Right? Was the tree always so tall and broad? Obviously not. It started from a tiny seed, but grew strong because it wasn't afraid to take root. Not, just Banyan, every living being goes through that cycle, even us. However, somewhere down the line, we forget the basic cycle of living.

 

That’s why outgrow the self blaming game because making mistakes is the part of the process. Be like the banyan, strong and confident. Instead of blaming yourself, learn from your mistakes and keep growing.


➡️ The Boundary Lines: Imagine your favorite ice cream melting because you didn't put it in the freezer. Boundaries are like that freezer. They protect your time and energy. Maybe you have a lot of homework, or you just need some "me" time. It's okay to say no to things, just like you wouldn't feel bad putting your ice cream away so that you can enjoy it later. Setting boundaries doesn't make you mean, it shows you respect yourself and your time.


➡️ People Pleasing Activities: This point is most relevant for Asian households where parents holds the upper hand in their children’s lives and many children thinking it to be their moral duty, follow them blindly without checking in with themselves.

 

If you too deal with such situation, I want you to repeat after me: “I can't be everything for everyone.”

 

We all have different strengths and weaknesses and we need to focus on being the best version of ourselves, not everyone else's. People pleasing activities might feel easy at first, but can becoming energy draining as the time passes by. Say no often and try focusing on what’s good for you and not something others think is good for you.

 

Maybe you're great at drawing, or love telling jokes. Celebrate your talents and grow them.


➡️ The Comparison Web: Tell me the truth, have you ever thought of an outcome without drawing a comparison with someone else. Celebrities like body, influencers like life, money like billionaires - we are always comparing ourself with someone. But, have you ever thought the same thing from a different perspective. Such as that billionaire, whose money you want wasn’t billionaire from day 1. Take inspiration to grow, but first outgrow out from the comparison web.


➡️ The Fear Monster: The last concept in this list is about how you deal with your fears. If I have to put it bluntly - Don't let fear of rejection or failure hold you back. I know you might have heard it countless times in multiple motivational videos, but in order to grow, outgrowing out of your fear in necessary. Maybe you want to join the college play, but you're scared you won't get a part. Take a deep breath and try giving the audition.

 

I mean, what’s the harm in trying? Even if things don't go exactly as planned, you'll learn something new and maybe find a new hobby to work on.


So, this is the list I wanted you to you have. When you start ditching these 7 things one after another, you will notice yourself growing stronger and happier, just like Anjali did when she faced her inner monsters.

 

Which of these, will you be working on first? Let me know below.

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