Are You Misunderstanding Self Development?

I’ll be honest with you.

For majority of my lifetime I thought personal growth meant leaving everything behind.

➡️ Old habits.

➡️ Old friendships.

➡️ Old parts of myself.

When the internet said things like

❌“Cut them off.”

❌ “Evolve or repeat.”

❌ “Don’t look back, you’re not going that way.”

I followed it blindly because honestly, it sounded powerful.

Like a voice that knew what it was doing.

But lately? I’ve been rethinking a lot of it.

Especially about that voice; the one everyone in the self-growth world seems to carry.

Btw, who was it even written for?

Don’tBecause the more I follow those rules now, the more it feels like I’m slowly editing myself out of my own story.

That maybe this kind of growth wasn’t made for people like us

And by people like us, I mean those raised in Eastern culture, where life moves differently. Where the idea of ‘self’ is rarely separate from ‘us.’ Where growth didn’t mean independence, it meant sacrifice.

Where “success” always included everyone else.

Where we were taught that our choices reflect on the whole family, not just ourselves.

So when the Western world says “focus on you,”

It does feel freeing. But sometimes? It also feels cold.

When they say “don’t look back,”

we think about the people we can't just leave behind.

The ones who raised us. Fed us. Waited up for us.

 Even if they didn’t fully understand who we were becoming.

And when they say “you owe no one an explanation,”

we still hear our moms say,

"Beta, just call and let me know when you reach."

See,

There’s no villain here.

I’ve learned a lot from both sides.

Western frameworks gave me tools I never had words for.

Eastern roots gave me a softness I never want to lose.

But lately?

I’ve started walking slower.

Not to stop growing, but to grow in a way that feels like mine

So where does that leave us?

Actually somewhere in the middle.

✅ We want to grow. But not at the cost of losing our softness.

✅ We want space. But not at the expense of vanishing into thin air.

✅ We want boundaries. But also want to navigate where we belong.

And that’s the tightrope we walk.

We’re not anti-growth.

We’re just trying to redefine it on our own terms.

And if you ask me these days, self-development feels like:

• Saying “yes” slowly

• Outgrowing urgency culture

• Softening my inner voice even when no one’s watching

• Letting things take the time they need to

• And not needing always to glow up physically to feel worthy

Now this might feel vague to some of you. But trust me, it’s real.

It might not be content-ready. But it’s deeply human.

And maybe that’s enough.

Honestly, I don’t have any hot take to end this edition with.

Just this thought:

What if growth isn’t about leaving parts of yourself behind?

What if it’s about learning how to carry them differently?

And if you have figured out your answer, make sure to reply and tell me, what’s one Western self-growth idea you’re currently unlearning?