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Why Is It So Difficult To Make Friends

Writer's picture: Adete DahiyaAdete Dahiya

Remember how easy it was to make friends back in primary school? You'd just sit next to someone on the bus, share your Pokémon cards, and bam – instant BFFs!

 

But these days, things feel different, right? It can be tough to find people who "click" with you, especially good friends.

 

Ever wonder why is this happening? 🤔

 

Here's your answer: as kids, we were constantly surrounded by other kids at school, recess, and after-school activities. It's like being thrown into a giant friend-making pot where everyone gets mixed together.

 

Plus, at that age, we're not super shy yet, so it's easier to just walk up to someone and say "Hi!"

 

But as we grow up, things change. We get busier with schoolwork, hobbies, and maybe even chores ( internal ugh!). This leaves less time to just hang out and meet new people. Plus, our social circles shrink. We might not see the same classmates every day anymore, and it can feel awkward to strike up a conversation with someone totally new.

 

So, what can we do?

 

Here's the cool part: psychologists actually studied this! And a study done by Dr. Marisa Franco found that friendships are built on two main ingredients: shared experiences and vulnerability. 🫂

 

Think about it like this: remember that time you and your best friend both aced that super hard science test? Celebrating that win together definitely strengthened your friendship, right? Shared experiences create a bond.

 

However, vulnerability plays a trickier part in this equation. It means opening up a bit about yourself, your worries, or your dreams. The idea of it might feel scary at first, but it shows the other person you trust them.

Being vulnerable is like saying, "Hey, I think you're cool enough to know the real me." I have written a dedicated newsletter on this in my previous edition. In case, you have missed that out, here is the link.

 

Coming to today’s edition; I have good news for those who struggle to bring either of the two elements into their life; be it shared experiences or vulnerability.

 

The good news is that you can totally create these friendship ingredients yourself!

 

That's exactly what Dr. Franco's study found! They followed a group of college students and tracked how their friendships developed. The students who spent more time together doing activities they both enjoyed (shared experiences) and were willing to open up to each other about their lives (vulnerability) were more likely to form close friendships.

 

 

It's like baking a friendship cake! You need the right ingredients and a little time in the oven for it to turn out delicious.

 

So, next time you're feeling a little friend-lonely, remember these tips:

 

➡️ Become a social butterfly (but a friendly one!): Don't be afraid to say hi to new people, even if it feels awkward at first. A simple "Hi, how's your day?" can be the start of a great conversation.

 

➡️ Be a good teammate: Whether it's working on a school project or playing a game of kickball, be someone who's dependable and supportive. People appreciate friends they can count on.

 

➡️ Find your tribe: Look for people who share your interests. Do you love building robots? Maybe there's a robotics club at your school. Are you obsessed with graphic novels? Check out your local library's comic book club. Surrounding yourself with like-minded people makes it easier to connect and build friendships.

 

Making good friends takes courage and a willingness to put yourself out there. But trust me, it's totally worth it.

 

Having a good squad of friends by your side can make life so much more fun and fulfilling. So, keep your chin up, be open to new experiences, and remember –

 

“Building strong friendships is like baking a cake, it takes time and the right ingredients, but the result is something truly sweet!”

 

 

How do you make friends? Share your process by replying.

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